January 25th, 2006

Emmy

An open letter

Dear neighbors:

It's nice of you to want to feed the wildlife. May I suggest that if that's your actual desire, that you leave out, oh, I don't know, bird seed? Or, if you must leave out people food like Pringles, goldfish crackers, shortbread cookies, corn chips, or the six inch hunk of French bread that my dog ate half of because I couldn't get it all out of her mouth, could you please leave it out of her leash's reach?

Because either she gets mad that I drag her away from the food, or she eats it and then gets sick. And if she throws up this bread she just ate, I am marching down the street and getting you to clean it up.

Very truly yours,

A Deeply Annoyed Dog Owner