Non-HP-fandom people, ignore this.
FictionAlley has started posting listings of new fics to LiveJournal, and so I read a few while killing time.
(I think this one pushed me over the edge:
Desperate to prepare Harry for what lies ahead, Dumbledore attempts the one thing that can help him - to split Severus Snape in two. Desperate to start climbing the nine steps to bliss with Ron, Hermione attempts the one thing that can help - get him in the rose bush.
That is all.)