As proof of how wonderful our dog Emmy is, last night they had a whole show just to give her awards!
- The Self-Amusing Dog Award: for playing fetch with herself (pick up the ball in her mouth; drop it out ahead of her, or nudge it with nose or paw so that it rolls away; chase after it; repeat).
- The Incredibly Efficient Demolition Award: for dismembering stuffed toys in 15 minutes or less, and chewing the top clean off a red Kong.
- The Attempting to Live Up to Her Former Name Award: for occasionally exhibiting a regal, Princess-like aloofness by leaning back just a hair as she sits and you pet her from the front.
- The Horn of
Buckland Award: for baying "fear, fire,
foesneighbors, awake!" in the yard.
- The "Just Doing My Job" Award: for sheepishly wagging her tail and licking the neighbors' hands when they come over to be sniffed and re-recognized as friendly people.
- The Mighty Hunter Award: for keeping the yard free of squirrels, despite the strain of the constant patrolling.
- The Vigilant Watchdog Award: for fixedly watching the yard for hours through the windows or door, to make sure the squirrels don't creep back in.
- The Fixed Boundary Award: for not attempting to chase squirrels past the yard's boundaries, fence or no fence.
- The Orlando Bloom Acting Award: for using a furrowed brow to convey nearly all emotions: puzzled at why her people are flashing bright lights at her; mournful and requiring petting; worried that we're going to abandon her; panting; excited (when combined with raised ears for increased brow-furrowing) . . .
- The Word Recognition Award: for bolting for the back door upon being asked if she wants to go for a walk, no matter the tone or volume.
- The Sneaky Dog Award: for not going after any food on the counters or table before this weekend, thereby lulling me into thinking I could leave chocolate chip cookies cooling on the table for three minutes while I ran upstairs.
- The Undignified Posture Award: for occasionally rubbing her back frenziedly against the floor, waving her legs in the air and exposing her belly.
- The Good Night, Everybody Award: for trotting right into her crate when we stand up after a certain point in the evening (even if we're only getting a glass of water).
- The Restful Dog Award: for making noise at night only when sick, and otherwise letting us sleep in peace.
- The Released from Durance Vile Award: for wiggling ecstatically every time we let her out of her crate, as though we were springing her from the pound again.
- The Incredibly Cute Award: for curling up in a little ball for naps (and doing the big front-paws-out stretch, and leaning next to our legs to be petted, and running after toys, and lying patiently on the floor as we eat dinner, and . . . ).
(Stay tuned for the Incredibly Sappy Dog Owners Awards . . . )